While I had had a variety of "battles" with food throughout my childhood, pre-teen, and teenage years, it wasn't until college that the battle became obvious to everyone around me.
In my first semester of college, I put on the traditional Freshman 15 (and then some).
This unexpected weight gain happened for no good reason... Joking!
I was involved in all the typical nonsense of a college freshman, which includes too much partying; beer-drinking; late-night munching; and a whole lot of other unhealthy behaviors.
The added weight did not feel comfortable on my body or in my clothes. Especially since it was the first time (but not the last) that I faced such a large change in size. However, it was seeing my larger self in photos that triggered a response that was as drastic and dramatic as my weight gain.
I had an overwhelming motivation/drive to get my behaviors under control and lose the weight I'd put on. After 27 years, the details of my "get back to the old me" plan are a little hazy, but it did include subliminal weight loss tapes which I listened to every chance I got.
In addition, I took my first weight training class and fell in love. I started voraciously working out in the gym, jogging multiple times per week, cutting way back on food intake. While I don't remember specifically trying to skip meals or avoid eating, I do know that I tied food to exercise--once I got in my workout for the day, I could "reward" myself with eating something, albeit small portions. Until then, it was liquids and cigarettes, which seemed to work as advertised to suppress my appetite.
As you might imagine, this little plan of mine worked. By the time I left school that May, I was back down to the weight and appearance I was at when I arrived on campus. I was getting a lot of compliments and feeling really good about myself.
Despite my weight loss success, of course the reality was that my plan to achieve it was a TERRIBLE one and not at all sustainable. I certainly wish I had the foresight back then to see how my extreme dieting and exercising would impact my health in many ways, particularly my digestive system and my innocent little bum bum.
But I didn't. In fact, the slimmer I became, the more my fear of gaining the weight back increased. And so my preoccupation with food and losing weight only intensified.
By the time I returned to college for my sophomore year, it was clear to everyone that I had an eating disorder. (That probably included me but I just couldn't get myself off this seriously dangerous path I was on.)
I am not 100% certain what my lowest weight was, but I'm pretty sure there was a "9" in front of it. Depending on your height and build, that might not seem low to you, but for a 5'6" female college athlete (albeit Division III), it is scary-looking thin. And my appearance definitely startled people, many of whom expressed concern. But it was my tennis coach who was the most direct with me.
When I showed up for our first practice of the season, she sent me immediately to the campus medical center to get a physical exam. She honestly didn't have to tell me why; I could see in her eyes and hear in her voice how distraught she was over my appearance. Ironically, I had worked in the medical office during my freshman year so all the nurses knew me. They took one look at me and we all started crying.
If there is anything in my story that makes you think of your own story, or that of a loved one, you likely already know that I was dealing with an eating disorder called Anorexia Nervosa. The signs and symptoms of this disordered eating issue include:
Weight below 85% of expected weight.
Amenorrhea (loss of menstrual period).
Disturbed by body image and denial of thinness.
Hyperactivity and excessive exercise.
Loss of hair (and possible growth of body hair – lanugo).
Low pulse rate.
Sensitivity to cold.
Nervousness at meal times.
Playing with or cutting food into small pieces.
Increased isolation from family and friends.
Perfectionism, tendency to be highly self-critical.
Compulsive exercise and compulsive cleaning.
May have alternating episodes of binge eating and purging.
Other than purging and isolation from family and friends, there'd be a checkmark next to each and every one of these as related to my specific situation. If you or someone you know is suffering from Anorexia Nervosa or another eating disorder, please seek help immediately.
I'd love to report that this was the one time in my life that I struggled mentally and physically with body image, weight, and the food/exercise combo. But, it's not. I received incredible, lifesaving support from many loved ones and medical profesionals and overcame the immediate health risks of anorexia. However, it was going to take a lot more time and committment to resolve the underlying reasons for my eating disorder. Unfortunately, my digestive system and my poor, poor bum-bum may have been the main casualties of my disordered eating journey.
In Part II of this blog, I'm going to dive into some research that I found that explains the link between GI issues and eating disorders.
Until then, if you haven't already done so, you may want to read about my many butt-astrophes over the years.
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